The Swelling Tidal Wave Of Prayer

# 4   The Unexpected Journey

The power of the ocean is something that has always fascinated me.    I was born in Atlantic Canada and ministered there until we moved here to Toronto in 2001.    I miss the ocean.

When I was the Pastor at Seal Cove Baptist Church on Grand Manan, in the middle of the Bay of Fundy, my study had a huge window.      I would love to look out that window and watch the harbour and the beauty of the Cove.    Down the road, I had a spot at Pat’s Cove where I could sit on the bank for hours to pray and meditate and just watch the power of the ocean.

The power of the tides in the Bay of Fundy are incredible.    Not only are they the highest tides in the world,  they are awesomely powerful and if you combine those strong tides with gale force winds you have incredible, unstoppable power.    I just love to watch the power of a Tidal wave as it crashes with awesome power against a rocky shore.

I have been overwhelmed in recent days with another Tidal Wave that is even vastly more powerful than the ocean.      My diagnosis with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer on Friday February 28,2014 was devastating as I described in the previous post, "The Quiet Ride Home."

When you read the literature on Pancreatic Cancer you will find no hope.     This is a deadly disease that even with chemotherapy life expectancy in the very best case scenario is about a year.     The first couple of weeks after the diagnosis was extremely emotional as I have described in previous posts.    The first week especially I was in prepare to die mode. I certainly knew that God would sustain us and we felt the love, support and prayers of God’s people, but frankly we were preparing for my eventual death.     Oh sure, we knew God could heal, our faith in God’s ability was unwavering, yet we knew many good men and women of God who were choice servants of God who were not healed and passed on to glory.     Why should I be any different. No one is indispensable in God’s work.     God doesn’t need us but graciously chooses to use us for His glory and certainly I am the least of His servants.

Yet, God is gracious and we do not have full comprehension of God’s will.     Perhaps if we were to storm the gates of heaven with our petitions for healing, God would relent and graciously grant a healing, not so that I could just live and enjoy more years of life, but that He might be pleased to continue to use me in ministry and preach the riches of His grace to others.      In a culture like our North American culture where we seem to not expect the supernatural and perhaps even hold it in suspicion, perhaps God would use a healing to remind us that He is awesome and powerful and in charge.

In one meeting I was in a lady in my church prayed the prayer of Philippians 4,
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).

It reminded me that God wants us to bring our request before Him.      He is merciful and gracious.     In my next Post called, "Faith, Hope, And Healing" I’ll talk about my theology of prayer and healing but my purpose in this Post is to tell you of the great Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer that is going up on my behalf around the world.

The first Post I posted, in which I shared the letter informing my beloved congregation of my diagnosis, there were over 4,000 people from all over the world read that article and many expressed that they were heavily burdened to pray for my healing.      Now I know that there is a Christianese that we use when we say, "I’ll be praying for you."      Most of us know this is a kind of salutation but probably very little prayer actually takes place.     But what I was hearing from around the world was much more sincere.     People were expressing deep sorry and shock.     Many were saying they were praying morning and evening and others almost constantly.      A great Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer was beginning so that today there are literally thousands and thousands of people all over the world who are praying for my healing. Many of them I know, many of them I don’t .     Let me share just a few of the many stories I could share with you.

On  the Monday following the letter to our congregation, I received an email from a man named Bill M. Years ago when Bill was a teenager he came to our church in Margaree Valley, Cape Breton to teach one week at our Vacation Bible School.    Our eldest daughter was about 2-3 years old at the time.      Bill stayed in our home and I saw him probably once after that and my daughter took a Psychology course from him years later at Atlantic Baptist University in Moncton, New Brunswick.     Anyway, having had no contact for all these years, in his email Bill told me that he was just moved to pray for me and my family.     The surprising thing is that Bill did not know of my condition.       In a conversation with a colleague they talked about previous ministry experiences and people who had impacted their lives.      My name apparently was common to both of them and Bill stated that he then was strongly moved to pray for me and my family.     Only God could orchestrate that. He is raising up a Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer.

 A friend of mine, Dean, who is from New Brunswick but winters in Florida has a large network of friends, has passed information about me to his friends.      One of those friends, Larry, whom I do not know, is a Pastor in Maine who also was diagnosed with cancer.     Larry and his wife have my name stuck on the side of their fridge.     One night before  turning in for the night as he lay in his bed, Larry calls to his wife and says, "What's  the name of Dean’s Pastor friend that has Stage IV cancer, I want to pray for him before I go to sleep."     Here is a man who has his own issues to deal with but half way across a continent God is laying it upon His heart to pray for me, a man he has never met.

 My friend David Sparrow is a Pastor from South Africa, though he now ministers not far from me, he continues to do missions work in Zambia and South Africa.     He texted me from the airport in Johannesburg on his way home the other day to say that there were entire networks of churches in Zambia and South Africa praying that God would heal me.

 Andre Furmanov is a church planter and Pastor in Vybourg, Russia. He is a dear friend though I have only met him face to face once. We keep in touch through email and FaceBook. He is a dear servant of God who has raised up his church in Russia to pray for me.

In Cuba of course where we have deep roots in ministry and have touched the lives of thousands of people and scads of churches.    Through our ministry, Calvary Road Gospel Association, we have helped purchase farms to feed hungry people, helped plant churches and have visited areas other foreign ministries have not.     The church there believes my longevity is crucial to the vital work we are doing there, called a week of fasting and prayer in which over 150 churches took part.      I am told that the churches there are filled with sorrow and concern and continue to fervently pray for my healing.      Believe me,  when Cuban brothers and sisters pray for you,  you know you've been prayed for.    They are fervent and they are passionate and they believe.

In the mid eighties I was Pastor of the White Pine Baptist Church in Riverview, New Brunswick.     There was a man in my church named David who eventually moved to Alberta but had spent some time in Taiwan.      I haven’t heard from David in years but he called to tell me he was praying for me and that his former church in Taipei, Taiwan is praying that God would heal me.     The Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer continues to grow.

People of my own church, Parkway Bible Church are in shock and they are calling out to God on my behalf.      Beloved brothers and sisters of former churches I have pastored are praying.        Churches where I may know one person are praying.     People and churches from all over the world are joining this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer, not only asking God for the grace to face these difficulties but to boldly ask God to heal me that I might serve Him for more years.

I have to say that this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer is totally humbling.     Let me continue to be open with you.      I have always found it hard to receive love and have often wondered if my ministry really had any impact.      I have often wondered if it was Pastor Rick and Wendy that people liked, but apart from that identity did they love just Rick and Wendy.     Perhaps for the first time in my life, through this most difficult battle I am learning that people really do love me, have been touched by my ministry, and are gladly part of this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer that God would raise me up to health and strength and free from cancer so that I might continue in Gospel Ministry.

There are literally thousands and thousands of people world wide who are part of this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer who are praying for my healing.     I am no more worthy than any other of God’s servants for this kind of prayer,   but God for His own sovereign purposes is raising up this Tidal Wave that is more powerful than any crashing ocean wave on the shores of Atlantic Canada.     It is the kind of Tidal Wave that can move the hand of God to do something miraculous that will bring glory to Him alone and restore confidence to God’s people that at any moment, at any time, for His own divine reasons, God may just do something, well, supernatural.  

"Thank You For Being Part Of The 'Swelling Tidal Wave Of Prayer'

asking God for a supernatural healing."

1     Be sure to watch for the next Post called, "Faith, Prayer, And Healing" in which I’ll try to lay out for you my theology of how faith and prayer intersect with healing.

The Quiet Ride Back Home

Part 3  "Unexpected Journey"

Pancreatic Cancer is like a stealth that silently sneaks into your body and begins it’s evil work.    It is the deadliest cancer that spreads rapidly though the body.   No test has yet been developed for early detection and so diagnosis is extremely difficult.   If detected early, surgery is possible and Pancreatic Cancer is curable.    However, and unfortunately, seventy-five percent of those diagnosed are not diagnosed until it has reached Stage IV and it is too late.    At this point the cancer has metastasized in other organs and the one year survival rate is about 1%.      That is, about 1% of victims will live a year once diagnosed.    In fact, life expectancy without chemotherapy is less than six months and chemo only works in 50% of people. Medical science really doesn’t have much to offer Pancreatic Cancer patients.

The Beginning of the Unexpected Journey

It’s hard to determine just when my "Unexpected Journey" began.    Last summer as part of the regular monitoring of my liver I had an Ultra Sound which revealed nothing.     Just before Christmas I started to feel cold like symptoms of light nausea, cough, and tiredness. These persisted for over a month so I decided to go to my family doctor.    Because my symptoms were so unspecific we decided to wait awhile longer before taking any action.    In January I visited my Liver Doctor who monitors me every six months.    I continued to have non-specific symptoms but also had a slight ache in my left side which I mentioned to my Doctor. He poked around and decided it was nothing.

I’ve been involved in a clinical trial at Sunnybrook Health Science Centre where I am monitored every 3 months including blood tests and examination.     I was feeling increasingly tired so my Sunnybrook Doctor suggested I had Fatigue and should take a break.     Wendy and I took a weeks vacation in Florida but I returned feeling not much different.

However, I had an important ministry trip coming up to Cuba March 12-26.    I was really looking forward to this trip as we had plans to visit and preach in a very remote part of the country not visited by other foreigners.    I wanted to knock out what I thought was some kind of bacterial infection and so went to my family Doctor on Thursday February 20, 2014 hoping he’d prescribe some antibiotics.     I thought it was a pretty routine visit to the Doctor’s office.

My Doctor is not a pill pusher and is pretty conservative in prescribing anything without a thorough examination.    I like that about him.     I climbed up on the examining table like I had many times before, but this time it would lead to an incredible "Unexpected Journey" over which I would have no control.     As he pushed on my abdomen I winched just a little and he noticed it.     Long story short, my good doctor made arrangements for me to have an abdominal ultra sound just to be safe.

I wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary when I entered the Ultra Sound lab the following Monday morning (Feb 24) .     Laying on the table with the screen just behind my head where I couldn’t see it, the young technician began the examination.     I asked her when my doctor would get the results and she told me in about a week.    After a few moments I saw a serious look come across her face.    Then I noticed that she was going over the same territory like she was redoing the examination.    She left the room and came back a few moments later and ran the sensor over my abdomen again.    I learned that she had left the room to ask the assistance of an older more experienced technician.     In a few moments the other technician entered the room and redid the examination again.     It was at that point I knew there was something up.

As I got ready to leave the clinic I said to the technician, "So my doctor will have the results in about a week?" "Oh no", she replied. "He’ll get them much sooner than that."     Something definitely was up.

The next day, my friend and Assistant Pastor, Steve Norton, and myself had a great planning meeting and we were excited over what we thought God was up to at the church.     We decided to grab some lunch and then head back to the church for more brain storming. On the drive back, my cell phone rang through the cars blue tooth connection.      It was my doctor (I had asked him to call as soon as he had the results).    His voice was serious.    They had indeed found cancer in my Liver and a 6cm mass between my kidney and spleen. He would order a CT Scan as soon as possible.

I have always tried not to worry about things until there was something to worry about and to keep calm and handle whatever situation or circumstance that life threw at me.     I remained calm on the outside, "stay controlled" I told myself, "wait til you have all the information," but I was heavily shaken on the inside.    How could this be?    They had been monitoring my Liver every six months.    Every three months I had an extensive medical examine and blood tests?   How could this be happening to me?

A CT Scan of my abdomen was scheduled for Thursday February 27.    The next day, Friday, was a nice sunny day.    Everything was now happening very quickly.     Wendy, Tim and I decided we’d go for a drive outside the city just to get our head around things.    We were sitting in a "Fish n’ Chip" shop in Port Perry when my cell phone rang.    It was my doctor.    Getting to a quiet place I answered the call.   It was more devastating than anything I could have imagined.      The diagnosis was stage IV pancreatic cancer which had spread to the liver.  The Unexpected Journey was now in full swing.

I tried to return to the table and act calm as we finished our lunch.    But both Tim and Wendy wanted to know what the doctor had said.    Calm on the outside but rocked to the core on the inside, for their sake, I told them not to worry about it, "let’s enjoy our lunch" and we could talk about it on the way back to the city.    They would hear nothing of it, they wanted to know.     I told them the news, and lunch was over.

The Quiet Ride Back To The City

The first part of the trip back to the city was quiet.     No one said a word as we tried to absorb this news.    I didn’t know a lot about pancreatic cancer but I knew it was perhaps the most deadly of the cancers. (I would later learn that there is less than 1% chance of a one year survival rate).     All three of us were choking back tears and then they began to trickle quietly down our cheeks.    Nothing was said for the longest time and then I think it was Tim who said, "They can treat this right?"      The quiet ride back home was taking us on the ‘Unexpected Journey.’

　

Medical Update:

 

My family doctor contacted my liver doctor (Toronto General Hospital) whom he thought would have better access to the best pancreatic cancer doctors in the country. As it turns out, the Princess Margaret Hospital, right across the street from the Toronto General Hospital, is one of the premier research and treatment centres in the world for pancreatic cancer.

Tuesday March 11 - Appointment with Surgical Oncologist who informed us surgery was not an option as the cancer was too far advanced.

Thursday March 13 - Appointment with Medical Oncologist who informed us of the odds and treatment options. There were none. Some chemotherapy may extend life a few months with better quality of life. It works for 50% of patients.

Wednesday March 19 - Liver Biopsy - Toronto General Hospital

Lab results will confirm the diagnosis. Results in one week.

Thursday March 20 - CT Scan of the Thorax (Chest) - routine results

------- Future Appointments –

Thursday March 27 - 9am Appointment with Medical Oncologist to discuss effects of and expectations of chemotherapy.

Friday March 28 - First Chemotherapy Session --    likely 3 weeks on and 1 week off.

"The Unexpected Journey"

Raw Emotions

(Just over a week ago my family and I started an "Unexpected Journey" when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. As you will recall from my last post, statistically that means a life expectancy of about 6 months. On Tuesdays and Fridays I will try to post a new update to share the journey with you in hopes that perhaps it might help you as you journey through the unexpected journeys of life.)

I told you I’d journal this "Unexpected Journey" because it would be therapeutic for me and perhaps helpful for others who go through troubled waters (if not now, just wait, it will come).     Well, this is going to be messy. If you don’t want open, honest, raw emotions then turn back now before its too late.    Close this blog and go back to what you were doing and stand clear.    Life is messy and dealing with it is fraught with nitty gritty emotion when you can’t make sense of it all.

Let me clearly state  up front that my faith in my loving heavenly Father is rock solid.     I believe He is sovereign and can do whatever He pleases but that He is also loving and gracious and knows so much more than I can see or comprehend.     I do not question the goodness of God nor His plan for my life, or death.    Like Job, I would say, "Though He slay me, still I will hope in Him. "     Still, I am a human being created by God with emotions.    It is not ungodly to express emotion in fact it is healthy and good.    So if you’re not ready to hear some raw emotion (which is not always expressed with rationality) this is your last chance to turn back.

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I did not sleep well last night knowing that I had my first appointment with the Surgical Oncologist this morning (Tuesday March 11,2014).    Though there was a hidden hope that either he’d say there had been some mistake or that he could deal with the cancer, I knew that was not rational and that in reality he was going to tell me what I already knew.    That Stage IV Pancreatic cancer is an appointment with death in 6-12 months with a little chemotherapy.    It felt like I was preparing for a visit to my executioner who would put one more nail in my coffin.    This would be the authoritative voice telling me the bad news I already knew.

The "Unexpected Journey" began today at 5 am when I woke up and did a little bit of work and as I mulled things over in my mind my emotions began to surface.    Just before my wife Wendy woke, I found myself on our bed trying to choke back the tears.    Soon I was sobbing and calling out to God looking for some kind of answers. He seemed so far away.

My cries went on for some time and were something like this.    "God, I love you and I trust you, I trust your goodness, but I just don’t get it."     I was sobbing and shaking.     "God, I just don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t  get it. I don’t get it ....    Wendy and I have given ourselves to you.    We have poured ourselves out.    We’ve left it all on the table and held nothing back, and this is how its going to end."     I just couldn’t get my head and my emotions past the fact that we had sacrificed so much for the cause of Christ and the Kingdom (Remember this isn’t necessarily rational or theologically correct. It’s raw emotion and it takes time to process the emotions and bring them in line with the truth in which we trust).

"God, you have every right to do whatever you wish with your servant.    I have not been a perfect servant and certainly not your best, but have I been such a bad man, a bad husband, father, pastor, that you have to take me out like this?"    These words were spoken between great big sobs and tears so that the sheets on our bed were visible wet.
  

"Wendy doesn’t deserve this.    I know you can use this to bring growth in her life and I trust you for that.     She’s so scared.     She doesn’t deserve this and I can’t do anything to stop it.    Why God? Why?   (Not why as in what right do You have but why in the sense that I just don’t understand. Don’t give me that nonsense that you can’t ask God why?)

Wendy woke and gently put her hand on my shoulder but did not interrupt.     (Sometimes you just have to allow people space to grieve).    Deep sobs.    "We have sacrificed so much for ministry Father, we have tried to be faithful, we’ve sacrificed time together for the sake of the church, we’ve pushed our own needs aside so many times for others and here we are and you seem so far away.   Is this how it's going to end?     Where are you, where are you, where are you, where are you?    You seem so far away.      I know you’re here but you seem so far away. Come and embrace us. God where are you."

It flashed through my mind that I was like a slave tied to a post having my back lacerated. Not by God, but by this disease, this fallen world, this brokenness, whatever.    "It hurts God. It hurts.   Oh God, Oh God, Oh God ..."

"I am your servant God, I surrender to your will." (Sob after Sob). Over and over again I repeated,  "I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it."     How can it all just end like this.    There are so many things we need to do in our ministry in Cuba through Calvary Road Gospel Association.    There are some good things happening in our church at Parkway Bible Church.   There are things at home that have to be put in order.   "God, I just don’t get it.  I don't get it.   I don't get it  ....."

It has been an exceedingly emotional day.     I don’t ever remember one like it.    There are still things I don’t understand.     Why would God take me out now?     If He’s going to heal me, why is He taking so long (I actually can think of reasons why but not when I’m in the throws of grief).     How could it be that just when my wife, who has given so much in service, would have to leave her church family when she needs it the most?      How can it be that literally thousands and thousands of Christians around the world are praying and asking God for healing and I have no assurance that He will?     (This is not lack of faith. Watch for a blog post on "Faith, Prayer, and Healing").

We went downtown to the Doctor and got the official word.    There is nothing they can do but perhaps relieve a little pain and give just a little precious time.    I believe absolutely that God can heal.    He did it in my life 18 years ago and we are grateful for those years.    There are thousands of people all over the world praying for my healing.    Perhaps He will show favour and spare me one more time that I might serve Him,  but if not, He will use this for His glory and I believe for the good of many others.

What keeps my emotions from winning the day, is my rock solid faith in Christ my Saviour who has been my Rock since I was 12 years old. Though He may seem a million miles away, I know that He is near,  and I will trust Him in the midst of this "Unexpected Journey" until I see Him face to face.

(Oh, and if you want to pray that God would heal me and keep me out of heaven for a few more years then please join the thousands of others who are praying the same prayer).

THE UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

I had mentioned in the last post I'd try to give you updates on this Unexpecred Journey God has chosen for us.   I am hoping to update each Tuesday and Friday but I'm  running a bit behind this week.  Saturday I'll be teaching all day about the Holy Spirit but will try to post an update on week one sometime Saturday evening

Pastor Rick

You Never Know What

A Week Can Bring

When you wake up on Monday morning you never know what the week will bring.    This week our family experienced the shock of a life time.    I had a Ultra Sound scheduled for Monday morning and by Friday afternoon I had been diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer with a life expectancy of about 6 months.    Obviously our family has been on a roller coaster ride of emotions, disbelief and confusion.   

I will be hopefully seeing an Oncologist this coming week to see what the options are.   This is going to be a journey like none other fraught with all sorts of unknowns, spiritual lessons and trials.     God does not abandon us in times like this, nor has He promised that we would not experience them.    Because my experience and what God teaches me through this might be helpful to others I will try to journal this journey both for the benefit of others and because it will be good therapy for me.     I'm thinking Mondays and Thursdays or Fridays I'll post something about the Journey we are experiencing.   

Today,  I preached from Luke 7:35-50 on what it means to love Jesus.    I left church immediately after the service and the following statement was read to our beloved congregation.    We are so blessed to have them at our side during a time like this.

March 1, 2014

Dear Parkway Family:

God has given me the pleasure of being your Pastor for these past 13 years. You have welcomed Wendy and I and our family with open arms. You are our church family and we love you all very, very, much. You know how hard we have worked and served among you for the cause of Christ and His people here at Parkway. Like Paul, we can say with sincerity, " So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

But now it is apparent that we are in a season when we must call on our church family to support and hold us up.

As many of you know I have been feeling unusually tired since just before Christmas.    On a Doctors advice we went away to Florida a little earlier this month for some rest. Returning home and still feeling tired, I thought perhaps I had a bacterial infection that would require some antibiotics and I’d be as good as new. Such has not turned out to be the case.   Following a visit to our family Doctor on our return from Florida he ordered an Ultra Sound which I had on Monday of this past week.   That Ultra Sound revealed significant cancer on my liver, spleen and left kidney. He immediately scheduled me for a CT Scan which I had this past Thursday.

By Friday noon, the verdict was in. It has been confirmed that I have Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.   The Pancreas is the primary site and the cancer has metastasized to the other organs.   Pancreatic Cancer is fast moving and deadly.   Apart from a miracle of God there is no cure and from this point, life expectancy is no more than 6 months.

We have not yet seen an Oncologist but hope to this coming week.   They will be able to give us a better take on exactly where we are in the disease and what if any treatment I should have.   Needless to say, this is a huge shock to our family and there are so many things swirling around in our heads at this time as we seek to come to grips with what is before us.

We are confident that the same God who has lead us all these years is the same God who will lead us in the frightful days ahead.   We remain steadfast in our faith in the goodness, the greatness and the loving care of our God.   We have many unanswered questions about what lies before us.    Though we do not know the answers to these questions we know to whom to take them.   He is our rock, our fortress, our strong tower to whom we run. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling (Psalm 46:1-3).

Right now we are numbed. We are simply allowing ourselves to feel the grief, the fear, the uncertainty with full confidence that we are in the Father’s care.    In the next few days and weeks we will need to make many decisions about Wendy’s future and regarding Amy and Tim.   I will need to know if it is advisable for me to make a planned trip to Cuba March 12-26 to say good bye to our friends and ministry partners there etc. etc.

We would appreciate your love, your hugs, and certainly your prayers.   You are our extended family and we know you will be there for us.   We do not want to burden you with our troubles but knowing your loving hearts we know you want to walk with us through this dark journey.   We can all pray for Divine healing that perhaps God would grant us this for His glory.   Would you pray that God would help us walk through this journey in a way that exalts the Lord Jesus and that God would give us, especially Wendy and our children, sustaining grace for wherever the journey takes us.

As long as God allows me, I intend to continue loving and shepherding the flock of God here at Parkway Bible Church and praying that together God would allow us to fulfill the Great Commissions in seeing people saved and becoming disciples of Jesus Christ to the Glory of God. May God bless and sustain you all.

Because of Calvary

Pastor RickRev. Rick Hayden

Senior Pastor: Parkway Bible Church