Ordinary Days

Waiting for God to move and do something miraculous is a hard thing to do.    God moves in His own time and in His own ways and not in ours.    And sometimes He choses to move in different ways than we expected or had hoped.    Waiting is hard work and yet it is in the waiting that our faith is most strongly built and demonstrated.
 

Meanwhile, how do you live your life while you are waiting?    That has been our dilemma since my diagnosis with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer.     When the Doctors say you have 6-12 months to live, what do you do?     Certainly we are looking to God for a miracle of healing and there are thousands of people world wide praying for that end, but I for one don’t know God’s absolute will in this.    He hasn’t declared to my heart "I am going to heal you." My hope is in Him. I cry out to Him.    We have lots of conversations as to why I think me living longer would bring Him more glory but I don’t know what His plan for me is.     All I know is that He is my shepherd who will lead me through the wilderness and I will arrive safe on the other side.
 

How then do you live your life with the threat of death hanging over your head.    Some people have suggested that perhaps I should just take the next six months off and go on vacation with my family.     Others have suggested that we need to do something that we have longed to do but never got a chance to do.    Still others have suggested that perhaps what we need to do is just what we want to do.
 

The fact is that for Wendy and I we have been doing exactly what we’ve wanted to do all of our married lives. God has called us to be shepherds of His flock.    That’s what we’re called to do.    That’s what we like to do.    That’s what we are hard wired to do.     That’s what we’ve been doing and that’s what we want to continue to do until God calls us home.     I’ve often thought that "man if you only have 6 months to live and you have to change the way you live, you haven’t been living right."    If you’ve been living out God’s will for your life, why do you need to change?
 

So, during this time we’ve just tried to keep living as normal as possible.     I’ve continued to preach and minister to the people of Parkway Bible Church with great joy.    We’ve taken a bit more time as a family to hang out together and we go back and forth to see the grand children more and we are much more conscious of our times together.    But as much as possible we’re just trying to live ordinary lives through this time.

 

Some people are amazed that I keep going and that I (as well as the rest of my family) seem to be handling this so well. There are no heroes here.    We are just a family with their faith firmly rooted in the Great Shepherd who will carry us through this however it unfolds. We didn’t get here all of a sudden.     We have been learning to simply follow Him through the years.    He has been busy building good stuff into us so that in this time of crisis that good stuff takes over and demonstrates itself.    Suffering not only builds your faith, it demonstrates your faith.     It reveals what’s really there. It is only in times like this that you see the depth and reality of your faith. Faith demonstrates itself not in the good times but when it is tested by fire. 

 

Those who truly trust in God, though there are surely many tears and struggles, don’t fall apart when the going gets tough.     It is in those moments that true faith is demonstrated. And just to be clear.    It is God who gives us this kind of faith.    I am not a super saint. Because of what God has been building into my life and into the lives of my family, we don’t know any other way to act than to trust God through this.    We are not heroes.    We act the way we do because that’s the way we act.     We don’t know how to do it any other way.

So, while we wait for God to demonstrate His power and bring healing we seek to live pretty ordinary lives.     We choose to believe that He will heal and yet are well aware that He may choose not to.     Meanwhile, we live for Him and His glory.     That means we go about the business God has called us to do.    It also means we do that with certain limitations that have been placed upon us by my illness.    Here’s a typical week.     We’ll start with Friday because that’s the day I get chemotherapy which pretty much dictates the rest of the week.

                   Friday
- Head to Princess Margaret Hospital down town about 9:30 am for blood test at 10:30 am. Have lunch and head for chemotherapy at 1pm. There are two different drugs that are fed intravenously over about 2-3 hrs. I get to sit in a big comfy chair and can read or do whatever.

Saturday 
- Because Chemotherapy includes steroids Saturdays are usually pretty good days and I am perhaps the strongest in the week. I feel good enough to do some yard work. I used to only review my sermons on Saturdays and do the Power Points but because I lose a lot of time through the rest of the week there are lots of ministry things to get done on the Saturday. I am really thankful for this day.

                   Sunday
- I’m thankful that Sunday mornings I’m still pretty strong and God has been doing amazing things in my heart and in the heart of the Parkway Bible Church congregation. I am thankful to God that I have not missed one Sunday of preaching other than a day off or vacation. - By the time Sunday night rolls around I begin to feel tired.
                   Monday
- Mondays are generally very bad. The steroids are wearing off and the side effects of the drugs (which are virtually poison) begin to kick in. I pray before each chemo session that the drugs won’t hurt me.   - Most Mondays I am so wiped out with fatigue that I don’t move far from my bed. I’m not sure how to describe it other than feeling like you’ve got a bad flu bug and for me my hips and legs and lower body are in pain. 　
                   Tuesday
- Tuesdays are much like Mondays. Sometimes worse. This past week at some point in the afternoon I just laid in bed in pain and misery and wept. This is simply side effects of the chemo but it is very difficult for Wendy to watch me go through. On Monday and Tuesdays I do what work I can at home and this past week on Monday got my sermon notes ready for this Sunday in between a half dozen naps.
                    Wednesday
- Returning more or less to normal. Most Wednesdays I’m able to go to the church and function much like normal.
                    Thursday
- Feeling pretty strong (not as strong as when I’m not on chemo but strong). Though I get winded easily I can pretty much function as normal. I’ve pretty much reduced my work load to that which is essential so Wednesdays and Thursdays are pretty important days in which I work hard. I’ve cut out un-necessary meetings and activities so that I can give my attention to Parkway. Saturday is also a day for getting work done.

Other than Mondays and Tuesdays when I’d rather not see anyone and when I am feeling like death warmed over, I am seeking to live a normal life and pursuing normal activities.     I’ve got my Argos seasons tickets bought and am looking forward to the games. Tim and I are going to be taking in some Blue Jays games.    We’re going to be doing some picnics with our family. 
  

I know that many people don’t know how to approach us or how to treat us when they see us.     It’s easy really. Just treat us as you normally would.      We’‘re still Rick and Wendy and we’ve got all the interests we’ve always had.     We don’t dwell on my illness.    We appreciate your concern and it’s okay to ask about my condition but we are interested in discussing all kinds of other things as well.     We’re actually more interested in hearing how you are doing then talking about how we are doing.     The last thing Wendy and I need is to be pitied.     Yes there are lots of concerns and issues we must face, but we are doing well and we have the Good Shepherd who is leading us through this. 
 

Lately thoughts about Heaven have been very strengthening for both of us and our family as we’ve discussed what Heaven will be like.     We are reminded that Heaven is all about Christ.     He is the one we love with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.     We have been following and serving Him all these years and in Heaven we will see Him face to face and that’s what will make Heaven, Heaven.
 

We’ve also been reminded of how privileged we have been to serve Him in this world. They say that everyone wants to go to Heaven but no body wants to die.    I really get that. I oscillate between getting excited about Heaven and ministry here on earth.    We were created for life and not death and I believe that God has placed a survival instinct within us that makes us want to continue to press on in this life.      I think of so many things I’d like to see happen at Parkway and it seems that God is up to something good in the church that I want to be part of.      I think of the ministry in Cuba through Calvary Road.     There are so many opportunities opening up. So many people and ministries we could help.    The Container with hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical equipment is ready to be shipped and I want to meet it when its opened at the nursing home in Cuba.
 

I know that ultimately God is sovereign and God is in control.    I know that I will not leave this world until I have completed the assignment God has given me.     Meanwhile, I am just an ordinary guy seeking to do God’s will.    My family is just an ordinary family seeking to live one day at a time under God’s direction.    We are just ordinary people firmly in His grip.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

(Psalm 46:1-2)