Chosen For This Assignment

My friend Tom sat across from me in my office.    He had just returned from a 6 month missions assignment in Thailand.   Tom had been reading the "Unexpected Journey" and I think had a need to eyeball the guy who had written them.    "Your teaching us how to live by teaching us how to die" he said with great sincerity.    I wondered how, but his words were reassuring as I wanted the blog posts to touch on reality and I wanted them to be helpful.     Tom is a thinker kind of guy so he probably has a greater idea of how those blogs are helping then I do.
 

Then in the middle of our conversation Tom made a startling statement, "You were chosen for this assignment" he said.      It’s as if he was saying, just like Abraham was chosen to be the father of Israel, like Paul was chosen to be the apostle to the gentiles, like Peter was chosen to minister to the suffering persecuted church, you have been chosen for this assignment to face death and let the world see how you do it.     It was as if he was saying, "God has built something in you over the years and now He is calling you to fulfill this assignment for which you have been prepared."     Now Tom didn’t say all that, but that’s what I was reading.
 

I feel much too weak for this assignment and do not see what there is in me that would fit me for it.     And quite frankly, I do not want this assignment.     It is harder than anything I have ever done before.   Its not about the dying which brings release and Heaven.   Its about the process.  
 

Having breakfast with another dear friend, he asked, would you rather it happen this way or would you rather go quick.     My immediate response was, "For myself. Take me out quick. But for my family’s sake then this is better for them so I would chose this."     The fact is that there is ample evidence that as God walks me through this process and I share it with you, it seems to be having a profound impact on people around me including my family, friends, church, and people around the world through my blog.      I don’t fully understand how watching me walk through the "Unexpected Journey" has such a profound impact on so many people, but it does.     I don’t fully understand the impact of my words or my life but if this is the assignment God has chosen for me, then I submit myself to it even though I do not understand it nor particularly enjoy it.      As I’ve already stated.    It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
 

I have come to appreciate and understand so much more the reality of Christ’s prayer in the garden the night before His crucifixion.
 

And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.
And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. (Luke 22:41-44)

I don’t think He much liked His assignment either.     Like me, He cried that somehow this assignment could be bypassed.     That somehow it could be avoided.     In His humanity, even though He knew He would be resurrected, the assignment of death was hard to take. There seems to be within the human spirit a propensity to avoid death and a desire to live on.    In fact I think this comes from the fact that we were meant to live forever but our rebellion has led to sin and death.
 

Jesus agonized in the garden so much so that He sweat great sweat drops of blood.¹     His assignment of death on the cross and the bearing of our sins was not an easy assignment for Him.     He desperately wanted to avoid it.  

It’s comforting for me to know that my Saviour had some of the same feelings I do about facing death.     Actually, the thought of death itself is not so hard, it is the process that is so hard.      For me, the pedal to the metal guy, the thought of diminishing capacity is extremely hard to process and accept.     I agonize when I see yard work that has to be done, my heart aches when I see Wendy having to do more because I can’t, I feel guilty that I don’t have more to give to the people of my church and I will be devastated when I no longer think I can give an honest days work for an honest days pay.     For the Saviour, I’m sure the thought of bearing our load of sin to the cross and sensing the Father’s judgment on our behalf caused Him to agonize.

Remember, what ever suffering you may be facing, "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15). He is not a God who cannot be touched by your sorrow and your struggle.     He Himself struggled in the garden.      He Himself in His humanity sought to escape the reality of suffering yet He endured it.      He experienced it and so He can sympathize with what you are going through.      You can be comforted by that thought and strengthened by the fact He actually did go through the suffering.    He knows what you are going through.     He’s been there and done that.
 

For me, every day now seems to involve increasing effort and pain of some sort.    Most recently the cancer has spread (unusual for pancreatic cancer but then I never do anything the easy way) to the bone which has caused significant pain in my hips, legs and back that now require strong pain medications.     I just received word that of an appointment with the lung specialist.   Has the cancer spread there too.    This is not an assignment that I would chose and like Jesus I have asked God that if possible to remove it from me.    I am still trusting for healing yet face the realities of what is happening with my body.     However I also note that Jesus surrendered to the will of the Father.      In fact, He knew the answer before He even asked, such was His agony.      He knew He must suffer and die for mankind.     There really was no option.      As the old hymn writer put it,  "The way of the cross leads home."
 

I have always said, "if God will get more glory from my suffering and dying then from me being healed then so be it."      I’m finding that one a tough one to live out in real life.    I’m not good at suffering.    Being slowed down is the toughest assignment I could be handed and I must trust Him everyday for the sustaining grace to be faithful to my assignment.     It is not natural but His grace has been sufficient.
 

There is a passage in the Book of Hebrews that brings this all in focus.     Having outline the Hall of Faith Heros in Chapter 11, the writer in Hebrews 12 tells us to keep our eyes on Jesus. "Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2).

 

 

Jesus knew that beyond the cross was salvation. Beyond the agony of the cross was the joy of salvation. As He endured the cross He knew what it would mean for all His followers. Without the cross there is only death and judgment and loss. The cross brings victory over sin and judgment and death. So, knowing this joy of victory, Jesus endured the suffering of the cross.
 

So, if this is my assignment. Knowing the joy that is set before me, I will endure this cross.     If this assignment is about showing others how to live by showing them how to die with faith and trust in the Saviour then I accept this assignment.    It is not easy, I do not like it, I find no joy in it other than the joy of knowing that it may help others face suffering and help them set their eyes firmly on Jesus the author (the one who gives and starts you on your faith journey) and finisher of their faith (the one who guarantees that once you start the faith journey you will arrive safely home with Him) then if I have been chosen for this assignment by my Saviour then I will face it head on with faith and confidence that He will enable me and see me through to the end. There is no turning back, I will trust Him implicitly.  Whether I live or die,  I am the Lord's.   ²
 

In addition to all this I know that when all is said and done. Healing or no healing. At the end of this "Unexpected Journey" I have the joy of knowing that I will see Him face to face.  That I the joy set before me.　

 

 

 

The Way Of The Cross Leads Home

I must needs go home by the way of the cross,
There’s no other way but this;
I shall ne’er get sight of the Gates of Light,
If the way of the cross I miss.

 

Refrain:
The way of the cross leads home,
The way of the cross leads home;
It is sweet to know, as I onward go,
The way of the cross leads home.

I must needs go on in the blood-sprinkled way,
The path that the Savior trod,
If I ever climb to the heights sublime,
Where the soul is at home with God. Then I bid farewell to the way of the world,
To walk in it nevermore; For my Lord says, "Come," and I seek my home,
Where He waits at the open door.

1 The clinical term is "hematohidrosis." Sweat drops of blood are medically possible as a result of extreme anxiety. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hematidrosis

2 The untold story here is that Wendy and my family have also been chosen for this assignment. I am amazed at her faith and confidence in God even though she grieves and anticipates further grief. Her’s is another story to be told in the "Unexpected Journey"