Faith, Prayer and Healing

Well,  I began this post on Friday April 4,2014 while sitting at the Princess Margaret Hospital, in downtown Toronto waiting for my second chemotherapy treatment, and then later sitting in the chair with an IV drip in my arm and my Ipad on my lap.  (Really not ideal for writing).      The PMH is a world leader in cancer treatment and research.     The best medical science in the world is available here and I am thankful for it.     

The question may arise in some minds, "Rick, if you are really trusting God to heal you, why are you undergoing chemotherapy?"      Some might even consider my taking any medical treatment as a demonstration of lack of faith, which it certainly is not.      You would be surprised at how many people have sent me some health food formula for overcoming cancer and others on a more spiritual sounding note have wanted to send me some special prayer that I should say over myself or a recommendation of their favorite faith healer that I should visit.     I truly do appreciate the concern and I know it is all given with good intentions so I do not get upset with the questions or the well intended but often faulty advice.       I am quite confident in my understanding of God (though surely I do not know everything) and rest in a pretty solid theology. 

There are a lot of questions and certainly controversy when it comes to God, sickness, and the matter of healing.       I have some friends that suggest that my words are powerful and that God has given me all authority so that I should just command the cancer to leave.      Others have suggested that my cancer is an attack of Satan and that I should speak to him and command him to leave.       To cast Satan out of my pancreas,  so to speak.   (Some sickness can be Satanically inspired.   My issue is how we confront it).      

As I've already mentioned, some of my friends, suggest that if I was really trusting God I wouldn't be submitting myself to chemotherapy.     So, it seems good that in this Post, I share with you my theology of faith, prayer, and healing.       It is a solid theology, based in solid exegesis of scripture that I think is solid and avoids the excesses that seem to so easily attract and I believe, deceive many Christians and often leave them disappointed and disillusioned.      I am not going to argue my case so much as just present it as a working theology, to explain how I see scripture and how I seek to live it out and how it directs my steps.       My hope is that it will help you understand how faith, prayer, and healing can operate in your life too without all the erroneous hype, disappointment, and disillusionment you might hear elsewhere.

FAITH

Let's begin with faith.      What is faith?     I think that real Biblical faith is exactly not what most people think of when they talk about faith.     People often say, " Just have Faith" or "Just Believe".     It's as if for them faith is a matter of believing something hard enough that it will become true.      Maybe it’s a kind of 'positive thinking' or certainly at the least a matter of mustering up in yourself the faith to believe everything will be okay.     The problem is, this is nothing more than wishful thinking.    This certainly isn't what Biblical faith is about, and frankly, I need something more than wishful thinking.    Unfortunately this is the kind of faith many Christians practice and advocate even when they cloak it in spiritual sounding lingo like, "You just have to trust God." or "Faith can move mountains so have faith."    Faith is not wishful thinking.

Let me give you a simple illustration.     Suppose a newly married couple desire to have a baby.   Not just any baby but a ‘boy’ baby.      For whatever reason they want a boy, they begin to ask God.  They earnestly pray that God would give them a boy.     Someone tells them they just have to believe, to trust God to give them a boy.      They might even be told that God delights to bless His children so if you just have faith God will give you the desires of your heart.      So, they pray and in their hearts they have ‘faith’ that God will give them a boy.   But, when delivery day comes, it’s a girl.       What happened?    Their ‘faith’ was not really biblical faith at all but a kind of wishful thinking, a hope that was not rooted in the promise of God.    There was no specific biblical promise to them that God would give them a boy and biblical faith is always rooted in the promise of God.

Biblical faith is rooted in an unshakable confidence in the promise of God.     It is not rooted in wishful thinking or a strong desire for a certain outcome but in the confidence that God will do and accomplish exactly what He said He would do.      It is based in the fact, not of what I wish He would do, or what I hope for (wish for), but in the fact that He is faithful to His Word.      If He said it, He will do it.    It is not a matter of saying, I want this result therefore I will believe God for it.      Rather, it is a matter of having absolute confidence that God will be true to whatever He has promised.  He cannot deny Himself.  

You can have absolute confidence in the fact that God is true to His Word and that He will accomplish exactly what He said He would accomplish.     Paul says to the Thessalonians,  “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thess 5:24).  “Faithful” means “true to His Word.”      God is true to His Word.     So faith is always based not in my desire or wish, but in the fact that God is faithful to His Word.   He does what He promises He will do. 

Now, there is nowhere in scripture where God promises to specifically give a couple a ‘boy’ child or heal Rick Hayden.       If there were, I could go to that passage and claim its promise and have absolute assurance that God would heal me because, “He remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” 
  
Let me say upfront that I reject the teaching that healing is included in the atonement.     There are many, including some who are my very dear friends who believe that just as Jesus died on the cross for our sins so He died for our disease and that being the case, they believe that just as you receive salvation by faith you receive healing by faith.        They would claim, I believe erroneously, that God has promised to heal our physical ailments in this world and therefore all we have to do is believe it and we have it just as we believe and have salvation.

This teaching is based on what I believe to be a very poor interpretive approach to two basic passages of scripture.

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken,  smitten by God, and afflicted.   5  But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,  and with his stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4-5)

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.     25 For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.  (1 Peter 2:24-25)

If you carefully read the passages in their context, both Isaiah and Peter are clearly talking about the issue of sin and how Christ, at the cross, bore our sin.     The disease He heals is our sin.      It seems to me that those who believe that healing is included in the atonement jump to the conclusion, without merit in the context, that the word “healed”  refers to physical healing.     I believe that is a very faulty and dangerous interpretation that is not warranted by the context.   It’s faulty because it leads to a wrong conclusion and its dangerous because it can and has led many people to demand something of God that they have no right to demand.   
 

In my view, God has not promised to heal everyone, of every disease, at all the times, and therefore it is erroneous and dangerous to demand that He does.      If He has promised it and He does not do it even one time, He is not faithful to His Word.       Many people who have been told that God promises to heal everybody have had their faith shaken and left disillusioned when they have tried to claim this as a promise, only to have their loved one die.
 

The bottom line is this.   God is always faithful to His Word.   He will always do what He has promised to do and I can take that to the Bank.    Having said that, there is nowhere in His Word, there is no specific promise from God that He will heal Rick Hayden.  
 

“Well” you say, “then what part does prayer play in healing?”    This is an excellent question and I’m glad you asked.

Prayer

The good news is that God does invite us to petition heaven with our requests and supplications.  There are so many examples and illustrations, and there are so many things we could say about how God will give us the desires of our heart (when our heart is in tune with His), but for space sake let me just offer one scripture.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.     7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

We are told not to worry but to “let our requests be made known to God.”    God is good and graciously invites His people to bring their requests to the God who delights in His children.   We don’t always know the mind and will of God but we are invited to come and talk to Him about the things that are a concern to us.     Of course if our hearts are humble we only desire that which would be honouring and pleasing to God.

When it comes to healing, we are invited to tell Him our hearts desire.    All over the world there are people crying out to God, indeed, storming the gates of Heaven,  asking God to not just strengthen me and my family, not just put the cancer in remission, but to clean it out and bring complete healing.    This is what they want and they are crying out to God for it.  (So am I).      Such bold prayers are good and acceptable to God.      Yes, our heart attitude is always, ‘not my will but yours’, but our willingness to submit to God’s will should not diminish our boldness or fervor in prayer.        I admit that sometimes we use “according to your will” to give God a way out.       No, God invites us to bring bold prayers before Him.      We know that God “is able to do to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, (Ephesians 3:20).        Whenever possible we must root those prayers in the promises of God as found in His Word.       When we do, we know we will receive the desired answer.        Sometimes, there is no specific promise in God’s Word and we pour out our heart’s desire to God trusting in His goodness.

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. (Ps 100:5)

We also realize that prayer is much more than asking God for something.      That is certainly part of it but that’s not all that it is.      Many people who are bombarding Heaven on my behalf are experiencing deep times of fellowship with God at a level they have not before, at least not on a regular basis.      Praying for me is actually enriching their own spiritual journey and enjoyment of God’s fellowship.      It seems that God is rising up a prayer movement on my behalf that is enriching believers around the world.      I have to confess that I wonder ‘why me?’ when there are so many other faithful servants of God far more worthy,  yet,  this is what God seems to be doing.      People are encountering God in a new ways and trusting Him in ways perhaps they have not before.

In prayer, we enter God’s presence and pour out our hearts to Him and bask in His presence.      Many of us have found that even when we have nothing to ask of Him, we just enjoy Him. 

Healing

Now, what is the connection between Faith, Prayer and Healing.       We believe and know that God can heal.     In fact,  in 1996 I almost died and God did a miracle in my life and raised me up.    (I jokingly ask, “Is a person allowed two miracles in one life”).       There is no question in my mind that it was a miracle that medical science cannot account for.       So, I know, you know, we know,  God can heal.      The question in my present circumstance is “will He heal me?”

This post is already too long so let me take you directly to James 5.

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.    14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.     15 And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.    16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:13-16)

This is the only clear and direct instruction in the New Testament given to the church when it comes to healing.       It doesn’t say, “if any among you is sick?    Let him run off to faith healers.”     It doesn’t say, “If any among you is sick?       Let him command the illness to come out … cast out the devil … say a special prayer formula etc. etc.”        The command is for the sick to call for the Elders of the church to come and pray over them, anointing the sick with oil in the name of the Lord and as a result, the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up.     Let me explain to you what I think this means and it will connect the dots between Faith, Prayer, and Healing.

Although there is no specific promise in the Word of God that He will heal Rick Hayden, He does invite us to bring our petitions to Him.      I believe that God is still active in the hearts and lives of those who walk near Him and at times His Spirit communicates with the spirit of God’s people and allows them to know His will in a specific circumstance.    In this case, God speaks into the heart of the Elder of the church to let them know what His will is in this specific circumstance so that when that Elder prays He can pray with faith knowing that God will answer their prayer.      This is the “prayer of faith”.      It is not based on the written Word of God, but on what God has spoken deep into the hearts of His people.    I have experienced this several times over the years so that I could pray with absolute confidence that God was going to answer my prayer in the affirmative.      The danger here is that I can always get the signals crossed.     I must be careful that I don’t attribute my emotion or my strong desire to the Holy Spirit telling me that He is going to do such and such.    This is not for the causal follower.   It demands one to be living in close communion with God so that they can hear the voice of God as He speaks into the heart.

When the Elders gather to pray over the sick, they should have sought the face of God so that they have some sense of what God intends to do.      When God places it upon their hearts that He is going to heal,  they can pray with absolute confidence that God is indeed going to heal.     It is possible that God may not be going to heal and does not grant “the prayer of faith.”       I think this also can happen with individuals who are in close fellowship with God.      There are many people who have told me that they pray “the prayer of faith” and that God has given them confidence that He is going to heal me.      In this case, the faith of their prayer is based on the promise of the Spirit of God to their spirit that this is what He is going to do.       Their prayer therefore is based in what they believe to be the promise of God, not as found in the written Word of God but as communicated to their hearts by the Holy Spirit and therefore they pray with absolute confidence.

I need to caution us that we are human and we can make mistakes as to what God is communicating to our hearts.   This is not as solid a foundation as the promises found in God’s Word.      I have misunderstood on a few occasions myself.       That’s why it is the Elders and not an Elder who come to pray “the prayer of faith.”        God is confirming His will to more than one person.      This is one reason why the church, the body of Christ and its leaders are so important in the lives of believers. 

As I mentioned, this is the only place in the New Testament where we have instruction for the church as to how to deal with healing and the sick.     I am committed to the Word of God and have asked the Elders of my church to anoint me with oil and to pray for me.        We don’t usually do this publically, but for teaching purposes and because our whole congregation at Parkway Bible Church is impacted by my sickness, the Elders have decided to hold this Anointing Service at the conclusion of our morning worship on Sunday April 27, 2014.      They will do it in simple obedience to the command of Scripture and they will trust God for the outcome.       It may be that He would grant to them the “prayer of faith” that they might pray with absolute confidence that God is going to raise me up to health and strength.

First:  

Remember, faith is always rooted in the promise of God and not in wishful thinking or in something I want to happen.   If you take nothing else away from this post make sure you get that right.    Be careful not to claim something as a promise that God has not promised.   That will lead to a crisis of faith and disillusionment. 

Second:

As our hearts beat with the heart beat of God, He delights for us to carry our petitions and supplications to Him in Prayer.    Even if there is no specific promise that you can claim, God delights in us showing our dependence upon Him and He delights to answer the prayers of His people.

Third:

When God’s people bombard Heaven with their prayers; God revives our hearts, we enjoy His fellowship and sometimes for His own sovereign purposes He does something supernatural that will bring glory to His name.     When God heals me it will not be just so I can be well.      It will be because my healing ultimately brings glory to God.     At this point, I believe healing me will remind His church in various parts of the world that He is a God who can do the supernatural and He will be glorified.

•  —If you wish to join us,  the Anointing Service will be held at the conclusion of the 10:30 am morning worship service at Parkway Bible Church – 77 Ivordale Cresent, Scarborough ON. 

• —    I will not send out an email or Face Book notice about this but I will post a medical update tomorrow along with a copy of the letter I sent to our Elders requesting they pray over me.    I want to do this simply so you have an example of how James 5:13-16 can be exercised in your church.    It seems to me that many Christians go running after all kinds of weird and wonderful claims and never actually take seriously the one thing Scripture clearly tells us to do in times of serious illness. 

                                MEDICAL UPDATE

                                                  The Unexpected Journey

I have been finding it difficult to get the time to write on "The Unexpected Journey"  the way I had anticipated.    With several trips to the hospital each week and the fatigue that comes with chemotherapy,   I find I have to preserve my resources for the priorities like being ready for Sundays and fulfilling my pastoral responsibilities.    By the time evening comes,  which is when I write a lot,  I'm tired and it's difficult to write.      Right now I'm working on a Post called "Faith, Prayer, and Healing"  in which I will outline my theology of how faith and prayer intersect with healing.    Of course there are literally thousands of people who are praying that God would be merciful and raise me to health and strength and I think it is important for them to understand how God works.

On Sunday,  April 27, 2014, at the conclusion of our morning service at Parkway Bible Church (77 Ivordale Cres,  Toronto)  the Elders of my church will at my request lay hands on me,  anoint me with oil and pray over me that God would heal me and then they will invite the church family to pray as well.  (|According to James 5:13-16.   This is the only command we have in the New Testament about how we are to approach healing).      My hope is that this will be a powerful visual of what God wants us to do and that it will bring Him ultimate glory.      If you are free that Sunday please come and join us.

For now,  let me just give you a quick medical update on my situation.    Having been diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer,  I was given a death sentence by the medical community.    Without chemotherapy life expectancy is generally less than 6 months and with chemotherapy perhaps one year.    There are some people who go longer but less than 1% have a life expectancy of one year.    In addition,  50% of people do not tolerate the chemotherapy very well.     The odds are stacked against me as far as the medical profession is concerned.

I am impressed with the people and staff at the Princess Margaret Hospital in downtown Toronto.   It is one of the top five,  if not the top, hospital in the world for treating Pancreatic cancer.    I have been very pleased with the care and attention they have given.    In the Post on "Faith, Prayer, and Healing" (Which I hope will be ready in the next few days),   I'll address the fact that I think it prudent to use the best that medical science has to offer and so I am doing as the Doctors say but you must realize that my trust is in the Lord God my creator and sustainer.   He is able to go beyond what medical science can.    I want to make it clear

Psalm 20:7       

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,  but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

Some trust in doctors and some in medical science,  but I trust in the name of the Lord my God.

                                                                                                       Hayden Paraphrase

Now, for the Medical update.    Having been diagnosed February 28,2014  I was fortunate to get to see the specialist at Princess Margaret Hospital fairly quickly.   Through my liver specialist I got an appointment with one of the top surgeons for Friday March 21,2014.     That seemed along way away for me.    I had a CT Scan in July 2013 that showed nothing, now,  I had stage IV Cancer.   This stuff was moving fast and I didn't want to wait almost a month to see a specialist.     I called his office and explained to the Doctors assistant,  "Four weeks is not a long time over 10 years but it is certainly a long time if you only have 6 months to live."     She worked me in to see the surgeon at the GI clinic for Tuesday March 11, 2014.

The visit to the surgeon was highly emotional but necessary.   His job was to tell me what we already knew in terms of the prognosis.    He was to the point and helpful.   There was no option for surgery and chemo might extend my life a few months if I could tolerate it.    As per a previous Post  in "The Unexpected Journey"  that was a pretty emotional day though  we were so calm and collective during our time with the Doctor that the Intern mentioned how calm we were in spite of the news we were being told.     I took the opportunity to tell the 4 medical people in the room at the time that our faith in God was solid and that He was our strength and assurance and the fact that we had a strong prayer support network.    Things moved fairly quickly from that point.    The regiment would be three weeks of chemotherapy and one off.    After the second cycle they will do a CT Scan to see where we are at and how effective the treatment has been.    This will be the first medically verifiable opportunity for God to show His healing power.      We trust Him for His timing.

Two days later on Thursday March 13 I was back to the hospital to see Dr. Natalie Cook the Medical Oncologist who is now walking with me through this "Unexpected Journey."     She outlined the plan going forward which would include chemotherapy but first a liver biopsy would be required to confirm the diagnosis before the chemo could start.     A Liver biopsy on Wednesday March 26, 2014 confirmed the diagnosis and the first Chemotherapy Session was on Friday March 28.    There were some minor complications from the biopsy.   After about four days I had some significant pain as the Liver healed.   This made it a bit difficult to function for a few days but nothing serious.

I had been told that the chemo would most likely have certain effects upon my body.    The first of course was fatigue and the second was that at some point my white blood cell count would go down and I would be susceptible to infection.   Of course the other one I was concerned about was nausea and vomiting.

The first session of chemo,  thankfully,  left no adverse effects.     The second session was on Friday April 4 and I thank God that again there were no adverse effects.    God has been good to me and I feel good.    For the most part you'd never know I have cancer or am on chemo.   No nausea,  and only a little fatigue.    I need to learn to pace myself and that is not easy as I'll explain in a moment.     I am not a good patient so this is a special blessing from God.

However,  if I am not careful and allow myself to get worn down there can be complications as I've experienced the last couple of days.   Yesterday was a very busy day and I expended a lot of energy throughout the day having got caught in an unplanned situation.    By the end of the day I was exhausted by activity that would not normally have bothered me but in this case with a weakened body it left me physically compromised.    In spite of extreme fatigue,  I could not sleep last night nor today.    I moaned with exhaustion and the desire to sleep but could not.    Insomnia is not something normal for me as I'm usually out almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.    I phoned the nurse line they gave me to call.    Insomnia can be a side effect of the chemo and they don't want me not getting sleep and rest.    It is not that my mind is racing or that I am worried about anything.   I just couldn't sleep.   They've prescribed a mild sleeping pill and so, for the first time in my life,  I'll use it tonight so I can be rested.    Tomorrow is study day and I have to be ready for Sunday.

Now, the personal side of this part of the journey.   I don't do slow down well.   My whole life I have been a pedal to the medal kind of person.   I don't know how to do things half way.    I work hard and I play hard.   I live wide open.    Most people have a hard time keeping up.   That's not to brag,  its just the kind of person God made me.     Well, when you have to battle fatigue,   you can't live wide open.   Your body won't let you.    Slowing down and learning to pace myself is an extremely hard lesson to learn.   It's not just hard on the body,  it's hard on the psyche.    I am programed to do but when God allows you to go through an experience like this,  you cannot always do.      In someways this is the most difficult aspect of dealing with cancer and chemotherapy.

After the drain of yesterday,  after Staff Meeting today,  I just had to go home and try to rest.   There were things left undone and I felt guilty, though I shouldn't have and my church is so understanding.  They want me to get well.   But being productive is just part of who I am and when I can't be productive I question my worth.   Now, I know I have to work on that and perhaps that's part of what God wants me to learn in this.    Our value and worth is not tied up in what we can produce but when you are a doer these are the kind of things you have to work through and they remind you that your worth is centred in the unconditional love and acceptance that is found only in Christ.    These are sometimes hard lessons because they go against everything that is natural and normal for you.    Sometimes God has to allow this tension so that you can recentre your life.     Ministry is not the centre of our lives.   Productivity is not the centre of our lives.     Christ is at the centre.   He is our strength.   He is our all in all.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,  Christ in the ear that hears me.

                                                                                                    St. Patrick 377 A.D.

The Swelling Tidal Wave Of Prayer

# 4   The Unexpected Journey

The power of the ocean is something that has always fascinated me.    I was born in Atlantic Canada and ministered there until we moved here to Toronto in 2001.    I miss the ocean.

When I was the Pastor at Seal Cove Baptist Church on Grand Manan, in the middle of the Bay of Fundy, my study had a huge window.      I would love to look out that window and watch the harbour and the beauty of the Cove.    Down the road, I had a spot at Pat’s Cove where I could sit on the bank for hours to pray and meditate and just watch the power of the ocean.

The power of the tides in the Bay of Fundy are incredible.    Not only are they the highest tides in the world,  they are awesomely powerful and if you combine those strong tides with gale force winds you have incredible, unstoppable power.    I just love to watch the power of a Tidal wave as it crashes with awesome power against a rocky shore.

I have been overwhelmed in recent days with another Tidal Wave that is even vastly more powerful than the ocean.      My diagnosis with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer on Friday February 28,2014 was devastating as I described in the previous post, "The Quiet Ride Home."

When you read the literature on Pancreatic Cancer you will find no hope.     This is a deadly disease that even with chemotherapy life expectancy in the very best case scenario is about a year.     The first couple of weeks after the diagnosis was extremely emotional as I have described in previous posts.    The first week especially I was in prepare to die mode. I certainly knew that God would sustain us and we felt the love, support and prayers of God’s people, but frankly we were preparing for my eventual death.     Oh sure, we knew God could heal, our faith in God’s ability was unwavering, yet we knew many good men and women of God who were choice servants of God who were not healed and passed on to glory.     Why should I be any different. No one is indispensable in God’s work.     God doesn’t need us but graciously chooses to use us for His glory and certainly I am the least of His servants.

Yet, God is gracious and we do not have full comprehension of God’s will.     Perhaps if we were to storm the gates of heaven with our petitions for healing, God would relent and graciously grant a healing, not so that I could just live and enjoy more years of life, but that He might be pleased to continue to use me in ministry and preach the riches of His grace to others.      In a culture like our North American culture where we seem to not expect the supernatural and perhaps even hold it in suspicion, perhaps God would use a healing to remind us that He is awesome and powerful and in charge.

In one meeting I was in a lady in my church prayed the prayer of Philippians 4,
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).

It reminded me that God wants us to bring our request before Him.      He is merciful and gracious.     In my next Post called, "Faith, Hope, And Healing" I’ll talk about my theology of prayer and healing but my purpose in this Post is to tell you of the great Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer that is going up on my behalf around the world.

The first Post I posted, in which I shared the letter informing my beloved congregation of my diagnosis, there were over 4,000 people from all over the world read that article and many expressed that they were heavily burdened to pray for my healing.      Now I know that there is a Christianese that we use when we say, "I’ll be praying for you."      Most of us know this is a kind of salutation but probably very little prayer actually takes place.     But what I was hearing from around the world was much more sincere.     People were expressing deep sorry and shock.     Many were saying they were praying morning and evening and others almost constantly.      A great Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer was beginning so that today there are literally thousands and thousands of people all over the world who are praying for my healing. Many of them I know, many of them I don’t .     Let me share just a few of the many stories I could share with you.

On  the Monday following the letter to our congregation, I received an email from a man named Bill M. Years ago when Bill was a teenager he came to our church in Margaree Valley, Cape Breton to teach one week at our Vacation Bible School.    Our eldest daughter was about 2-3 years old at the time.      Bill stayed in our home and I saw him probably once after that and my daughter took a Psychology course from him years later at Atlantic Baptist University in Moncton, New Brunswick.     Anyway, having had no contact for all these years, in his email Bill told me that he was just moved to pray for me and my family.     The surprising thing is that Bill did not know of my condition.       In a conversation with a colleague they talked about previous ministry experiences and people who had impacted their lives.      My name apparently was common to both of them and Bill stated that he then was strongly moved to pray for me and my family.     Only God could orchestrate that. He is raising up a Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer.

 A friend of mine, Dean, who is from New Brunswick but winters in Florida has a large network of friends, has passed information about me to his friends.      One of those friends, Larry, whom I do not know, is a Pastor in Maine who also was diagnosed with cancer.     Larry and his wife have my name stuck on the side of their fridge.     One night before  turning in for the night as he lay in his bed, Larry calls to his wife and says, "What's  the name of Dean’s Pastor friend that has Stage IV cancer, I want to pray for him before I go to sleep."     Here is a man who has his own issues to deal with but half way across a continent God is laying it upon His heart to pray for me, a man he has never met.

 My friend David Sparrow is a Pastor from South Africa, though he now ministers not far from me, he continues to do missions work in Zambia and South Africa.     He texted me from the airport in Johannesburg on his way home the other day to say that there were entire networks of churches in Zambia and South Africa praying that God would heal me.

 Andre Furmanov is a church planter and Pastor in Vybourg, Russia. He is a dear friend though I have only met him face to face once. We keep in touch through email and FaceBook. He is a dear servant of God who has raised up his church in Russia to pray for me.

In Cuba of course where we have deep roots in ministry and have touched the lives of thousands of people and scads of churches.    Through our ministry, Calvary Road Gospel Association, we have helped purchase farms to feed hungry people, helped plant churches and have visited areas other foreign ministries have not.     The church there believes my longevity is crucial to the vital work we are doing there, called a week of fasting and prayer in which over 150 churches took part.      I am told that the churches there are filled with sorrow and concern and continue to fervently pray for my healing.      Believe me,  when Cuban brothers and sisters pray for you,  you know you've been prayed for.    They are fervent and they are passionate and they believe.

In the mid eighties I was Pastor of the White Pine Baptist Church in Riverview, New Brunswick.     There was a man in my church named David who eventually moved to Alberta but had spent some time in Taiwan.      I haven’t heard from David in years but he called to tell me he was praying for me and that his former church in Taipei, Taiwan is praying that God would heal me.     The Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer continues to grow.

People of my own church, Parkway Bible Church are in shock and they are calling out to God on my behalf.      Beloved brothers and sisters of former churches I have pastored are praying.        Churches where I may know one person are praying.     People and churches from all over the world are joining this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer, not only asking God for the grace to face these difficulties but to boldly ask God to heal me that I might serve Him for more years.

I have to say that this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer is totally humbling.     Let me continue to be open with you.      I have always found it hard to receive love and have often wondered if my ministry really had any impact.      I have often wondered if it was Pastor Rick and Wendy that people liked, but apart from that identity did they love just Rick and Wendy.     Perhaps for the first time in my life, through this most difficult battle I am learning that people really do love me, have been touched by my ministry, and are gladly part of this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer that God would raise me up to health and strength and free from cancer so that I might continue in Gospel Ministry.

There are literally thousands and thousands of people world wide who are part of this Swelling Tidal Wave of Prayer who are praying for my healing.     I am no more worthy than any other of God’s servants for this kind of prayer,   but God for His own sovereign purposes is raising up this Tidal Wave that is more powerful than any crashing ocean wave on the shores of Atlantic Canada.     It is the kind of Tidal Wave that can move the hand of God to do something miraculous that will bring glory to Him alone and restore confidence to God’s people that at any moment, at any time, for His own divine reasons, God may just do something, well, supernatural.  

"Thank You For Being Part Of The 'Swelling Tidal Wave Of Prayer'

asking God for a supernatural healing."

1     Be sure to watch for the next Post called, "Faith, Prayer, And Healing" in which I’ll try to lay out for you my theology of how faith and prayer intersect with healing.

The Quiet Ride Back Home

Part 3  "Unexpected Journey"

Pancreatic Cancer is like a stealth that silently sneaks into your body and begins it’s evil work.    It is the deadliest cancer that spreads rapidly though the body.   No test has yet been developed for early detection and so diagnosis is extremely difficult.   If detected early, surgery is possible and Pancreatic Cancer is curable.    However, and unfortunately, seventy-five percent of those diagnosed are not diagnosed until it has reached Stage IV and it is too late.    At this point the cancer has metastasized in other organs and the one year survival rate is about 1%.      That is, about 1% of victims will live a year once diagnosed.    In fact, life expectancy without chemotherapy is less than six months and chemo only works in 50% of people. Medical science really doesn’t have much to offer Pancreatic Cancer patients.

The Beginning of the Unexpected Journey

It’s hard to determine just when my "Unexpected Journey" began.    Last summer as part of the regular monitoring of my liver I had an Ultra Sound which revealed nothing.     Just before Christmas I started to feel cold like symptoms of light nausea, cough, and tiredness. These persisted for over a month so I decided to go to my family doctor.    Because my symptoms were so unspecific we decided to wait awhile longer before taking any action.    In January I visited my Liver Doctor who monitors me every six months.    I continued to have non-specific symptoms but also had a slight ache in my left side which I mentioned to my Doctor. He poked around and decided it was nothing.

I’ve been involved in a clinical trial at Sunnybrook Health Science Centre where I am monitored every 3 months including blood tests and examination.     I was feeling increasingly tired so my Sunnybrook Doctor suggested I had Fatigue and should take a break.     Wendy and I took a weeks vacation in Florida but I returned feeling not much different.

However, I had an important ministry trip coming up to Cuba March 12-26.    I was really looking forward to this trip as we had plans to visit and preach in a very remote part of the country not visited by other foreigners.    I wanted to knock out what I thought was some kind of bacterial infection and so went to my family Doctor on Thursday February 20, 2014 hoping he’d prescribe some antibiotics.     I thought it was a pretty routine visit to the Doctor’s office.

My Doctor is not a pill pusher and is pretty conservative in prescribing anything without a thorough examination.    I like that about him.     I climbed up on the examining table like I had many times before, but this time it would lead to an incredible "Unexpected Journey" over which I would have no control.     As he pushed on my abdomen I winched just a little and he noticed it.     Long story short, my good doctor made arrangements for me to have an abdominal ultra sound just to be safe.

I wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary when I entered the Ultra Sound lab the following Monday morning (Feb 24) .     Laying on the table with the screen just behind my head where I couldn’t see it, the young technician began the examination.     I asked her when my doctor would get the results and she told me in about a week.    After a few moments I saw a serious look come across her face.    Then I noticed that she was going over the same territory like she was redoing the examination.    She left the room and came back a few moments later and ran the sensor over my abdomen again.    I learned that she had left the room to ask the assistance of an older more experienced technician.     In a few moments the other technician entered the room and redid the examination again.     It was at that point I knew there was something up.

As I got ready to leave the clinic I said to the technician, "So my doctor will have the results in about a week?" "Oh no", she replied. "He’ll get them much sooner than that."     Something definitely was up.

The next day, my friend and Assistant Pastor, Steve Norton, and myself had a great planning meeting and we were excited over what we thought God was up to at the church.     We decided to grab some lunch and then head back to the church for more brain storming. On the drive back, my cell phone rang through the cars blue tooth connection.      It was my doctor (I had asked him to call as soon as he had the results).    His voice was serious.    They had indeed found cancer in my Liver and a 6cm mass between my kidney and spleen. He would order a CT Scan as soon as possible.

I have always tried not to worry about things until there was something to worry about and to keep calm and handle whatever situation or circumstance that life threw at me.     I remained calm on the outside, "stay controlled" I told myself, "wait til you have all the information," but I was heavily shaken on the inside.    How could this be?    They had been monitoring my Liver every six months.    Every three months I had an extensive medical examine and blood tests?   How could this be happening to me?

A CT Scan of my abdomen was scheduled for Thursday February 27.    The next day, Friday, was a nice sunny day.    Everything was now happening very quickly.     Wendy, Tim and I decided we’d go for a drive outside the city just to get our head around things.    We were sitting in a "Fish n’ Chip" shop in Port Perry when my cell phone rang.    It was my doctor.    Getting to a quiet place I answered the call.   It was more devastating than anything I could have imagined.      The diagnosis was stage IV pancreatic cancer which had spread to the liver.  The Unexpected Journey was now in full swing.

I tried to return to the table and act calm as we finished our lunch.    But both Tim and Wendy wanted to know what the doctor had said.    Calm on the outside but rocked to the core on the inside, for their sake, I told them not to worry about it, "let’s enjoy our lunch" and we could talk about it on the way back to the city.    They would hear nothing of it, they wanted to know.     I told them the news, and lunch was over.

The Quiet Ride Back To The City

The first part of the trip back to the city was quiet.     No one said a word as we tried to absorb this news.    I didn’t know a lot about pancreatic cancer but I knew it was perhaps the most deadly of the cancers. (I would later learn that there is less than 1% chance of a one year survival rate).     All three of us were choking back tears and then they began to trickle quietly down our cheeks.    Nothing was said for the longest time and then I think it was Tim who said, "They can treat this right?"      The quiet ride back home was taking us on the ‘Unexpected Journey.’

　

Medical Update:

 

My family doctor contacted my liver doctor (Toronto General Hospital) whom he thought would have better access to the best pancreatic cancer doctors in the country. As it turns out, the Princess Margaret Hospital, right across the street from the Toronto General Hospital, is one of the premier research and treatment centres in the world for pancreatic cancer.

Tuesday March 11 - Appointment with Surgical Oncologist who informed us surgery was not an option as the cancer was too far advanced.

Thursday March 13 - Appointment with Medical Oncologist who informed us of the odds and treatment options. There were none. Some chemotherapy may extend life a few months with better quality of life. It works for 50% of patients.

Wednesday March 19 - Liver Biopsy - Toronto General Hospital

Lab results will confirm the diagnosis. Results in one week.

Thursday March 20 - CT Scan of the Thorax (Chest) - routine results

------- Future Appointments –

Thursday March 27 - 9am Appointment with Medical Oncologist to discuss effects of and expectations of chemotherapy.

Friday March 28 - First Chemotherapy Session --    likely 3 weeks on and 1 week off.

"The Unexpected Journey"

Raw Emotions

(Just over a week ago my family and I started an "Unexpected Journey" when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. As you will recall from my last post, statistically that means a life expectancy of about 6 months. On Tuesdays and Fridays I will try to post a new update to share the journey with you in hopes that perhaps it might help you as you journey through the unexpected journeys of life.)

I told you I’d journal this "Unexpected Journey" because it would be therapeutic for me and perhaps helpful for others who go through troubled waters (if not now, just wait, it will come).     Well, this is going to be messy. If you don’t want open, honest, raw emotions then turn back now before its too late.    Close this blog and go back to what you were doing and stand clear.    Life is messy and dealing with it is fraught with nitty gritty emotion when you can’t make sense of it all.

Let me clearly state  up front that my faith in my loving heavenly Father is rock solid.     I believe He is sovereign and can do whatever He pleases but that He is also loving and gracious and knows so much more than I can see or comprehend.     I do not question the goodness of God nor His plan for my life, or death.    Like Job, I would say, "Though He slay me, still I will hope in Him. "     Still, I am a human being created by God with emotions.    It is not ungodly to express emotion in fact it is healthy and good.    So if you’re not ready to hear some raw emotion (which is not always expressed with rationality) this is your last chance to turn back.

--------------

I did not sleep well last night knowing that I had my first appointment with the Surgical Oncologist this morning (Tuesday March 11,2014).    Though there was a hidden hope that either he’d say there had been some mistake or that he could deal with the cancer, I knew that was not rational and that in reality he was going to tell me what I already knew.    That Stage IV Pancreatic cancer is an appointment with death in 6-12 months with a little chemotherapy.    It felt like I was preparing for a visit to my executioner who would put one more nail in my coffin.    This would be the authoritative voice telling me the bad news I already knew.

The "Unexpected Journey" began today at 5 am when I woke up and did a little bit of work and as I mulled things over in my mind my emotions began to surface.    Just before my wife Wendy woke, I found myself on our bed trying to choke back the tears.    Soon I was sobbing and calling out to God looking for some kind of answers. He seemed so far away.

My cries went on for some time and were something like this.    "God, I love you and I trust you, I trust your goodness, but I just don’t get it."     I was sobbing and shaking.     "God, I just don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t  get it. I don’t get it ....    Wendy and I have given ourselves to you.    We have poured ourselves out.    We’ve left it all on the table and held nothing back, and this is how its going to end."     I just couldn’t get my head and my emotions past the fact that we had sacrificed so much for the cause of Christ and the Kingdom (Remember this isn’t necessarily rational or theologically correct. It’s raw emotion and it takes time to process the emotions and bring them in line with the truth in which we trust).

"God, you have every right to do whatever you wish with your servant.    I have not been a perfect servant and certainly not your best, but have I been such a bad man, a bad husband, father, pastor, that you have to take me out like this?"    These words were spoken between great big sobs and tears so that the sheets on our bed were visible wet.
  

"Wendy doesn’t deserve this.    I know you can use this to bring growth in her life and I trust you for that.     She’s so scared.     She doesn’t deserve this and I can’t do anything to stop it.    Why God? Why?   (Not why as in what right do You have but why in the sense that I just don’t understand. Don’t give me that nonsense that you can’t ask God why?)

Wendy woke and gently put her hand on my shoulder but did not interrupt.     (Sometimes you just have to allow people space to grieve).    Deep sobs.    "We have sacrificed so much for ministry Father, we have tried to be faithful, we’ve sacrificed time together for the sake of the church, we’ve pushed our own needs aside so many times for others and here we are and you seem so far away.   Is this how it's going to end?     Where are you, where are you, where are you, where are you?    You seem so far away.      I know you’re here but you seem so far away. Come and embrace us. God where are you."

It flashed through my mind that I was like a slave tied to a post having my back lacerated. Not by God, but by this disease, this fallen world, this brokenness, whatever.    "It hurts God. It hurts.   Oh God, Oh God, Oh God ..."

"I am your servant God, I surrender to your will." (Sob after Sob). Over and over again I repeated,  "I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it."     How can it all just end like this.    There are so many things we need to do in our ministry in Cuba through Calvary Road Gospel Association.    There are some good things happening in our church at Parkway Bible Church.   There are things at home that have to be put in order.   "God, I just don’t get it.  I don't get it.   I don't get it  ....."

It has been an exceedingly emotional day.     I don’t ever remember one like it.    There are still things I don’t understand.     Why would God take me out now?     If He’s going to heal me, why is He taking so long (I actually can think of reasons why but not when I’m in the throws of grief).     How could it be that just when my wife, who has given so much in service, would have to leave her church family when she needs it the most?      How can it be that literally thousands and thousands of Christians around the world are praying and asking God for healing and I have no assurance that He will?     (This is not lack of faith. Watch for a blog post on "Faith, Prayer, and Healing").

We went downtown to the Doctor and got the official word.    There is nothing they can do but perhaps relieve a little pain and give just a little precious time.    I believe absolutely that God can heal.    He did it in my life 18 years ago and we are grateful for those years.    There are thousands of people all over the world praying for my healing.    Perhaps He will show favour and spare me one more time that I might serve Him,  but if not, He will use this for His glory and I believe for the good of many others.

What keeps my emotions from winning the day, is my rock solid faith in Christ my Saviour who has been my Rock since I was 12 years old. Though He may seem a million miles away, I know that He is near,  and I will trust Him in the midst of this "Unexpected Journey" until I see Him face to face.

(Oh, and if you want to pray that God would heal me and keep me out of heaven for a few more years then please join the thousands of others who are praying the same prayer).

THE UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

I had mentioned in the last post I'd try to give you updates on this Unexpecred Journey God has chosen for us.   I am hoping to update each Tuesday and Friday but I'm  running a bit behind this week.  Saturday I'll be teaching all day about the Holy Spirit but will try to post an update on week one sometime Saturday evening

Pastor Rick

You Never Know What

A Week Can Bring

When you wake up on Monday morning you never know what the week will bring.    This week our family experienced the shock of a life time.    I had a Ultra Sound scheduled for Monday morning and by Friday afternoon I had been diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer with a life expectancy of about 6 months.    Obviously our family has been on a roller coaster ride of emotions, disbelief and confusion.   

I will be hopefully seeing an Oncologist this coming week to see what the options are.   This is going to be a journey like none other fraught with all sorts of unknowns, spiritual lessons and trials.     God does not abandon us in times like this, nor has He promised that we would not experience them.    Because my experience and what God teaches me through this might be helpful to others I will try to journal this journey both for the benefit of others and because it will be good therapy for me.     I'm thinking Mondays and Thursdays or Fridays I'll post something about the Journey we are experiencing.   

Today,  I preached from Luke 7:35-50 on what it means to love Jesus.    I left church immediately after the service and the following statement was read to our beloved congregation.    We are so blessed to have them at our side during a time like this.

March 1, 2014

Dear Parkway Family:

God has given me the pleasure of being your Pastor for these past 13 years. You have welcomed Wendy and I and our family with open arms. You are our church family and we love you all very, very, much. You know how hard we have worked and served among you for the cause of Christ and His people here at Parkway. Like Paul, we can say with sincerity, " So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

But now it is apparent that we are in a season when we must call on our church family to support and hold us up.

As many of you know I have been feeling unusually tired since just before Christmas.    On a Doctors advice we went away to Florida a little earlier this month for some rest. Returning home and still feeling tired, I thought perhaps I had a bacterial infection that would require some antibiotics and I’d be as good as new. Such has not turned out to be the case.   Following a visit to our family Doctor on our return from Florida he ordered an Ultra Sound which I had on Monday of this past week.   That Ultra Sound revealed significant cancer on my liver, spleen and left kidney. He immediately scheduled me for a CT Scan which I had this past Thursday.

By Friday noon, the verdict was in. It has been confirmed that I have Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.   The Pancreas is the primary site and the cancer has metastasized to the other organs.   Pancreatic Cancer is fast moving and deadly.   Apart from a miracle of God there is no cure and from this point, life expectancy is no more than 6 months.

We have not yet seen an Oncologist but hope to this coming week.   They will be able to give us a better take on exactly where we are in the disease and what if any treatment I should have.   Needless to say, this is a huge shock to our family and there are so many things swirling around in our heads at this time as we seek to come to grips with what is before us.

We are confident that the same God who has lead us all these years is the same God who will lead us in the frightful days ahead.   We remain steadfast in our faith in the goodness, the greatness and the loving care of our God.   We have many unanswered questions about what lies before us.    Though we do not know the answers to these questions we know to whom to take them.   He is our rock, our fortress, our strong tower to whom we run. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling (Psalm 46:1-3).

Right now we are numbed. We are simply allowing ourselves to feel the grief, the fear, the uncertainty with full confidence that we are in the Father’s care.    In the next few days and weeks we will need to make many decisions about Wendy’s future and regarding Amy and Tim.   I will need to know if it is advisable for me to make a planned trip to Cuba March 12-26 to say good bye to our friends and ministry partners there etc. etc.

We would appreciate your love, your hugs, and certainly your prayers.   You are our extended family and we know you will be there for us.   We do not want to burden you with our troubles but knowing your loving hearts we know you want to walk with us through this dark journey.   We can all pray for Divine healing that perhaps God would grant us this for His glory.   Would you pray that God would help us walk through this journey in a way that exalts the Lord Jesus and that God would give us, especially Wendy and our children, sustaining grace for wherever the journey takes us.

As long as God allows me, I intend to continue loving and shepherding the flock of God here at Parkway Bible Church and praying that together God would allow us to fulfill the Great Commissions in seeing people saved and becoming disciples of Jesus Christ to the Glory of God. May God bless and sustain you all.

Because of Calvary

Pastor RickRev. Rick Hayden

Senior Pastor: Parkway Bible Church